Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
