i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
