is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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