Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
