I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I FOUND THE LEGS
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
