In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
