My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
