And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize