So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
