I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
