Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
