i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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