Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
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