Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize