I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
