And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The Olympian is in my bed
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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