The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
