That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
