i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
