Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
