glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
