I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
