My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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