i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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