BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
