So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well I just put wine in my tea
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
