WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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