Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
