So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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