I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
