This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
