careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
