i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
