She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
