At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
