I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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