I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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