You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
