like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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