I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
