Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
