i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
