i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
