If that was your dad, he is hot
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
