i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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