I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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