do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
