so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
