An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
