somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
