I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
