carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
