Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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