I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
