tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
