Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
