he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The struggles of a small town man whore
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize