Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
