Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
