Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
