he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He felt like a one man threesome
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
