so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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