TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
