Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize