how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
