I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
