Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize