I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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