Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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