Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
