so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
